Seeing Red
by Yomi22
Summary: After one year, Willow still loves Tara. And she can't forget about her.


Sorry if there is some mistake. Probably there will be a lot, but I'm not English... I'm Italian, so I hope you'll understand!

SEEING RED

When I was a kid, I thought bad things could not happen if you work hard and you live thinking that life is good.  
Needless to say that it isn't true.  
Bad things happen, unless you want it or not.  
Bad things happen even if you're the best person in the entire world.  
Bad things happen, especially when you're happy. It's better for them, if you're happy.  
The degree of "badness" increases with the increase of happiness. The more you're happy, the worst will be the things that's going to fall on you.  
Again, is needless to say that I was the happier girl in the world.  
Because of that, the worst thing happened to me.  
My girlfriend was killed. Killed by a shot which was destinated to my best friend.  
So, even if that stupid shot would have not hit my love, it would have killed my besties.  
What's worse?  
Well. The shot which killed my babe was blind. It was an error. Instead, the real shot hit my besties, taking her nearly to death.  
It's funny how short was the time and how much were the bad things. Less than a minute, and: Tara was dead, Buffy mortally wounded.  
But the funniest thing is that all of that was caused by a gun. A GUN! Do you understand?!  
I mean, Buffy fought against every sort of demon and always won. She could defeat an orde of twenty vampires without damage, but a single shot nearly killed her. A GUN!  
Thinking of that makes me laugh.  
Even the Evil himself would do nothing against Buffy. But a gun had. It's funny, isn't it?  
And Tara. Tara was even killed. Yes, she wasn't the Slayer, the Chosen One. But hey, she had her part in fighting. She wasn't very useful, but if she hasn't die.. there would be a reason. Again, a gun. I can barely think of that without laughing. A gun killed my girlfriend, who gone against evil force with us all. Killed in front of me, one of the most powerful witches. I could do nothing for save her.  
Instead, I saved Buffy. Thanks to her healing skills, she didn't die on the spot so I was able to extract the bullet and heal her interior.  
Oh but I tried to save Tara too! She died on the spot, so I tried to bring her back, but it was a "natural death". I never thought that it was a natural death. Natural death is old age, or a death for disease.. but NOT a death by a shot.  
However, I could not bring her back.  
So I decided to destroy the world.  
It makes sense, isn't it?  
Fortunatly, my other best friend, Xander, saved me. And the world.  
I was able to knock out Buffy and Giles, who had a strong, new power and the one who stopped me was Xander. Funny.  
He stopped me by using words. Stupid words. For this time, I have to thank Xander's gab.  
I returned myself and Giles took me in England to recover me. England.. Tara wished so hard to go in England. It was her goal. She wanted to go with me.  
In this isolated land where my recovery started, I had so much time to think.  
I always thought of Tara.  
First, I thought of Tara with anger. Then, I thought with regret. And then, with sweetness.  
Slowly I returned myself and the memory of Tara went better and better. At the beginning, I could only think about her death, but now I can finally think of every good times we spent together.  
Now I live in Sunnydale. Again. With my friend.. and I have a new girlfriend called Kennedy.  
She's totally different from Tara. Tara was sweet, kind, shy and humble.  
Kennedy is strong, agressive. She know what she want. And when she want something, she must have it, no matter what. Plus, she's a Slayer.  
Now that I think of that... I always had supernatural partners.  
Oz was a werewolf, Tara a witch.. and Kennedy is a Slayer.  
Well, I have to say that I choose them with a lantern.  
Anyway, it's good to be with Kennedy.. she's funny and she keeps me busy. Also, she make me forgot about everything. But it's like I can't love her.  
It's like I can't love someone anymore.  
Or maybe she's just not the right one.  
She's definetly not the right one. And you know why?  
Because the right one was Tara.  
She was my soulmate.  
She completed me.  
I think Kennedy knows that. It's OK for her, though.. maybe she deserve someone who really loves her.  
Everyone deserve someone who loves them. I had mine, so maybe Kennedy has to have her own "someone".  
That someone who I cannot be.  
I'm being selfish? Being with Kennedy shows my selfishness? I'm with her because I can't stay lonely?  
Why can't I just leave her? My love can't be fulfill anymore. My thirst of love has been filled, but now.. that glass is empty. It's been a year, now.  
Even if she wants it so badly, Kennedy just can't fills it. And I can't fill her.  
I had my part of love. I had my story, my fairy tale. I had my princess.  
But why it had to be so short? It last three years. Is three years too much for love? I'm young! I'm only 22!  
Can I ask for some more!? Is this being selfish?!  
I don't think to deserve this little. I had fought against demons for seven years,now. I spent all my adolescence worrying about people's sake. I've only done good.  
Yes, I had my moment of madness and I killed some people.. but.. I sill think that I'm a good person.  
You can say that, indeed, I've my trophy. I've someone who loves me. I've a few people that care about me.  
There are Buffy, Xander, Giles, Dawn.. My family.. Kennedy and yes, in her way also Anya cares.  
But still, why I feel so lonely? Why, despite of those people, I feel empty?  
When Kennedy looks at me, I don't feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I don't feel like I'm special. I just feel I'm Willow. Just Willow whose being loved by Kennedy.  
Is that bad?  
Maybe that's how normal people feels when the people who loves them looks at them.  
Maybe it's just the way everyone feels.  
But then, why it was so different with Tara?  
It was with Tara that was strange? Is the emotion I felt with her which is strange?  
No one feel special, full, barely crying of joy when the one who loves them looks at them? It was just me?  
I don't think so. If it's so, I feel sorry for every couple who lives on this planet.  
If Buffy doesn't ever feel that way.. well, I'm sorry for her.  
Because that was the best feel I ever felt.  
Those three years... they were the best I lived, for now.  
The only thing that could make me happier than then.. It.. It would be see your smile once more. Hear your voice. Hear your voice calling me. Asking me for a kiss. Tells me some advice for that spell I can't do.  
Feel your touch. Your hand wandering over my body. Your lips. Your soft, warm, lips.  
Your kisses.  
Your hug.  
You.  
But I can't. I can't because a selfish, mindless boy killed you. With a gun.  
The bullet punched your heart, killing you. A stupid bullet destroyed your big, big heart.  
That heart that had beat so fast, when I was with you.  
That heart that had beat with mine while we were making love.  
I miss making love with you. It was so sweet.  
Sex is good with Kennedy. She's pretty good at it, and she's sexy. And agressive. But it's another kettle of fish.  
I can't compare you two.  
But I have to admit it, Tara. You're the only one I really loved.  
I have choose you instead of Oz. Do you understand? OZ! Oz was my world, before I met you.  
But when my eyes met yours.. the figure of Oz disappeared. What have you done, Tara? Why you made me love you so much?  
HOW you made me love you so much!  
Maybe you're wondering why after all this time, I'm thinking this things.  
Well, Babe, it's just because the moment when I'll see you again is coming.  
I'm seeing red.


End file.
